So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
