Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize