It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize