yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
