Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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