Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
