i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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