I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize