I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
