So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize