how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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