You made me cry and you don't even care
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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