Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
