I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
