you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
from now on my penis is your penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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