She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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