It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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