Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
