god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
