I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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