Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She bit a glass in half.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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