Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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