I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
