He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
