Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
