it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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