i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
