U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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