marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
