i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
