Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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