How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
