Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
