her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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