Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
