Pappa wants mamma naked
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
