just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
