Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
