Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
