Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
