I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
