she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
