So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
