you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
