No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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