There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
whose parrot is this?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
