47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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