like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
