Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
