In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
