have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
