He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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