Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
