White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
