Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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