I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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