Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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