I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
