Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
