we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
