i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
