is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize