U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
