I love black thongs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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