Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
