i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i think i just lost a toe
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
