not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
