Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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