he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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