I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize