i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
