I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dear god my vagina.
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