How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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