Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
