break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
