we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
