if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think my mom watched the whole time
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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