My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
