Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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