what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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