ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
