The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
