Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize