The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
