Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
