so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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