I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
