At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
