WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thus making me awesome and them whores
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
