did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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