she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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