In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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