id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize