The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
there is puke in my bra ... again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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