You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
