Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
