problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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