Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
