ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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